I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Damn victory sex feels great
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
