I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
