she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
