I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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