The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
