I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
