I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
