she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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