So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
