I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have fence marks all over my body
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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