he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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