I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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