I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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