Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
