I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
