Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
