i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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