Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
