you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
