they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
