I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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