I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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