I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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