dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
