you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
