I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
