she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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