How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at about main and main street
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
