i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
