At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
