I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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