I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
