Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
