I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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