I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
