if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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