Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
