Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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