a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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