How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
