Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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