Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
