I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
