my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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