I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
