why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
