in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
