I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
