and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
