Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
