3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
