Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
