in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
