It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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