Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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