I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
