dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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