Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
